Greg Fitzimmons

IN THE NEWS In Brooklyn it was reported that a man dressed as Santa Claus was given a parking ticket while giving out gifts to poor children. Comical Radio notes, he should have been fined for killing the illusion that Santa is real.
GREG FITZSIMMONS called in ready to discuss Bernard Madoff's ponzi scheme and inspired awe in each of the little Jewish hearts in the studio. According to Fitzsimmons, people who assume they will successfully invest while in a capitalistic society are akin to people who believe they've ordered the best food at a restaurant, assumed no one else knows how to order, and then refuse to share when the meal arrives. An educated culinary palate, of course, could not possibly directly correlate to financial prowess or Danny Lobell would not need to work as a security guard checking for open water bottles at an upcoming Shaggy concert.
KASTEN MINUTE The show ended with David Kasten's assertion that the time has come for Magic Johnson to die of AIDS so that the pretend secular saint could serve as a cautionary tale to the casual encounter.
AND THAT WAS THE SHOW Stay tuned for future assertions and megalomanical dreams. Adieu.