Nick Dipaolo

Chris Iacono was out today to attend a wedding in Colorado, leaving a snake-dick-shaped hole for intern and Woman Whisperer Andrew Schultz to fill. While Danny and the crew missed the smell of Burger King breakfasts, the business of being douche bags went along its usual course.
The central item of douchebaggery today was Danny's trip with Matty Goldberg and intern Genevieve Joy to see anti-comedian Neil Hamburger. In the spirit of the the great character comic, Danny said "Yes" when two random fans at the show asked him if he was Australian. To convince the fans that he really was from down under, Danny claimed that one of the fans looked exactly like a famous children's puppeteer in Australia named Melton, and screamed about it all night despite the fact that the only thing he knew about Australia was how the accent sounds and that there is no such puppeteer named Melton. Once he had "Melton" and his friend convinced that he was an an authentic kangaroo master, Danny used his dead-on accent to show them that not only are all Australian proud racists, but they are also demonstrably into fucking their sisters. Final Outcome: Comical Radio:1 Australia: Racist Sister Fuckers.
Dylan Gadino from Punchline Magazine called in with another Punchline Update. He reported that the Edinborough Fringe Festival was going to be showcasing a comedian who is only thirteen years old. What kind of comedy can come from the mind of a person who spends most of their time thinking about how to control their erections in public? (Possibly the same kind of comedy that comes from a man twice his age?) Myka reminisced about a personal horror story of when she had to endure the comedy of a thirteen year old she knew who was also pursuing stand up. The reality was that the mother of the child was writing the kid's comedy and using him as a beard for her own depserate need for attention. The result was a hen-pecked pubescent telling limp jokes about President Bush. It was an offense to all that was comedy and the nauseating memories revisit Myka in her darkest hours. Andrew Schultz said that he was going to be at the festival also, and offered to check out the kid's act and report back. Be careful, Andrew, once you walk through the door of horror you can never return. Gadino also informed the crew that there would be a tribute show to Mitch Hedberg in honor of his posthumously released new CD, and then spent time calming Myka down from her fear that the tribute show would lead to a dubious "In the Spirit of" award similar to those given on behalf of Bill Hicks and Andy Kaufman.

Nick DiPaolo called in and vented about the comedy community's collective effort to thwart his career attempts. Whenever a show he was on would become popular, someone was always there to shut down the operation. Why does this always happen to him? What has been the common denominator? Gays and Jews of Hollywood. Among other theories, DiPaolo claimed that the leftist ewlite hated him for being a white man who presumed to talk to minorities as he would other white men. He then waxed romantic about performing on the radio, citing that it created an intimate environment for his fans to really get to know and understand him before Imus had to open up his big mouth and screw it up for all the other big mouths. When asked about his writing process, DiPaolo said that while his best writing comes from his sitting down and being disciplined, he mostly tends to just riff on stage and let his act develop from there. This may explain the almost 20 hours of comedy he claimed to have established throughout his career... too bad comedy clubs will only let him do an hour at a time.

The show closed out with Guest Scott Grey, the new manager of Stand Up New York Comedy Club. He used to do other other menial tasks around the club, but now does this! Grey regaled Danny and the crew with his endeavors to start his own comedy club with an Austrian man who was most likely suffering from delusions of grandeur and glee from the prowess of his Euro. Afer becoming antsy that the fledgling club was not bringing in the dollar dollars as anticipated, the coke-brained (allegedly) Austrian got his heart set on an additional undertaking of creating and selling a book of advertisements to tourists in Times Square. "You take zee adverts and zen zee people buy it and boom! Sree Million dollaz!" After twenty minutes of shenanigans with Austrian accents (not to be confused with the previous thirty minutes of Australian accents), Scott Grey announced in earnest his desire to provide quality comedy to his audiences and a sympathetic work environment for comedians. Truly a man of the people, he offered a two for one deal to Comical Radio listeners, so take advantage! Take a look below at the video clip of Grey saying nice and mostly true things about Danny and the Comical Radio Show.
And that was the show. Make sure to listen in Monday for Ebony Magazine's etiquette coach Harriette Cole and comedian Dan Hirshon.